So, apparently Saturday 6 July is International Kissing Day.
Bugger knows who decides these things. Is there a super computer somewhere pumping out inane holidays like Secretaries’ Day and Aunties’ Day?
Or perhaps the card making companies got together and started spreading these bogus celebrations to boost revenues. Who knows?
But I digress.
The aim of International Kissing Day is to make us appreciate the simple kiss.
And I get that.
In these days of prolific porn and SATC, we’re bombarded with sex from every angle and in every orifice. We’re all supposed to be enjoying splendidly passionate sex lives with our significant other, or to be engaging with carefree but careful sex with a host of strangers to prove how bloody liberated we are.
But where did the innocence go? The romance?
When did the thrill of that first eagerly anticipated kiss get replaced with a slobbery tongue down our throat and a hairy hand in our knickers? Bring back the simple kiss I say! Wait while I find my texta to make a placard.
I’m all for kissing, but not just anyone.
The phenomenon of kiss-greetings really irks me. If you’re unfamiliar it’s the growing habit of kissing perfect strangers, and not in a good-drunken-night-out-a-club-way, but rather as a form of greeting.
A simple hello is not enough these days, a handshake far too formal.
Instead, we have to kiss the cheek (once, twice or three times – I’m never sure).
This is then often followed by a full body hug.
Kissing random people as a form of greeting is a super slippery slope if you ask me. It doesn’t give you anywhere to go as you get to know them better.
Will we gently squeeze the bottoms of strangers instead of saying hi?
After we pay for our coffee will we reach over the counter and give the barista’s face a friendly lick.
Or, to show our affection for a true friend, will we have to orally pleasure them every time we say goodbye or hello?
People, let’s all calm down and save kissing for those who really matter.
(For me that’s my lover, my child, my dog and the picture of Aiden Turner I have taped to back of the bathroom door.)
And what are we supposed to do on International Kissing Day I hear you squeal?
I haven’t a clue.
- You could perhaps try to break the record for the longest kiss (58 hours, 35 minutes and 58 seconds in case you’re wondering. Sweet baby Jesus, have these people nothing better to do?).
- You could perfect your kiss by reading this awesome wikiHow article on How to Kiss. (What’s up with the blue and green lips people?)
- You could watch this video that shows the most famous kisses of all time.
- You could sell kisses for charity.
Or, you could – and this is my advice – kiss your special humans, slowly and with as much love as you can muster, and enjoy the sweet simplicity of the humble kiss.
Over to you
Do you appreciate a simple kiss? Who will you be sharing one with today?
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This article first appeared in Discordia.