If you’re like me you’ll have several names for your vagina.
It’s ‘froo’ when my three year old is around. ‘Froo’ sounds friendly, like a character from an ABC kids cartoon. ‘Froo’ and her sidekick ‘Willy’ have lots of adventures, go to the beach and bake cookies. ‘Froo’ is fun and furry and doesn’t get out as much as she used to.
When I’m discussing all things vaginal in public, say over a coffee with friends or shouting randomly on buses, I call my vagina ‘my bits’.
With doctors I’ll go with a vague ‘down there’: to use vagina in front of someone who actually knows anatomical naming seems risky. I don’t want to get lost in the land of labia.
In my sexual heyday, I was known to shriek the odd ‘c**t’ in a moment of passion. I was never much of a talker during sex, but would occasionally mutter ‘filling my whatever with your doo-dah’ in a breathy voice. It always felt a little try hard, so it’s somewhat of a relief that those days are over.
My husband and I discuss his penis and my vagina as if they were old friends. We remember the good times and wish we saw more of them, but can’t really see how we’d find the time.
I was interested to learn how other women referred to their lady bits. Of course I’ve seen the Vagina Monologues and could have cut and pasted passages, and there are entire websites packed with vagina euphamisms. But that would have been boring, right?
I believe that managing your very own vagina is an awesome, exciting and often troublesome experience. I wondered if the names would reflect the nature of the owner’s feelings about said area, so I posted the question on my Facebook page and Google+ profile, and was overwhelmed with vagina love.
Some findings from my highly scientific study include:
- Lots of women stick with a sensible ‘vagina’ and don’t use nicknames.
- Others choose to be anatomically correct, using vulva for the outer bits and vagina for the tube.
- Some names are passed down the generations from mother to daughter. Jen’s mum used ‘wing wong’, Susan’s ‘watsie’ and Jeannie stuck with ‘muff’.
- French names are popular: ‘fifi’, ‘entrée’. I myself used ‘foof’ for a long time until it I made a new friend nicknamed ‘foof’, and was forced to stop using the name to avoid causing upset.
- ‘Fanny’ was all the rage back when I was a teen, but doesn’t seem as popular today with just three mentions.
- ‘Pussy’ too was less popular than I expected, although ‘puss puss’ was a nice variation.
- Bek has separate name to mock her bits as in when ‘it does things wrong… like it gives me a painful period or falls out of my knickers on a crowded bus.’
- Alicia uses ‘vaginski’, which I think gives the whole area a distinctly noble Russian feel.
- Erica likes ‘pickle’ though sometimes swaps that for a more monosyllabic ‘clam’ or ‘twat’.
- Andrea opted for ‘my sacred yoni’, though sometimes abbreviates it for expediency.
- Karen pointed out that vagina is Latin for sheath, or scabbard which makes the penis a sword (or small dagger in my experience.).
Some offered up rights of passage naming – such as Brooke, who affectionately refers to her wiggly bits as her ‘Crunch’. She told me, ‘I fell on it riding my brother’s bike and thought it went crunch.’ And then there’s Gina, whose school friends fondly called her Gina (pronounced like vagina without va.), so now uses “g-ina” for her vagina pet name.
Other more unusual and awesome vagina names included:
‘pip’, ‘nini’, ‘ninni’, ‘mini’, ‘larky’, ‘pussy gato’, ‘concha’, ‘who who’, ‘mootress’ (with a short ‘oo’), ‘moonge’, ‘moonga’, ‘nemo’, ‘choon’ and ‘ursula’. If anyone is looking for names for a troupe of feminist burlesque dancers I think the list above might just work.
Some rather more abstract names included ‘flowerpot’, ‘the thing’ and ‘the pleasure strip’. I also loved the expansiveness of the name ‘the universe’, although it’s a probably bit of a mouthful for daily use, if you’ll excuse the pun.
I was somewhat overjoyed, not only by women’s willingness to share their vagina names, but by the affection and love these names show.
Unlike the negative or downright hideous descriptions (just a single mention of ‘beef curtains’ and one of ‘snatch’) used by men, the names we choose are beautiful, funny, clever, silly and downright mad. Just like their owners.
Over to you
So what do you think? Is vagina finer, or is giving your muff it’s own moniker a mark of the love and respect you feel for our fabulous love tunnels? Let me know below:
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This article first appeared in Discordia. Photo by Dawn “Raven” Kline.
P.S If you like posts about Vaginas check out this one.